Psychic Frustration

My life has been vastly changed with these crazy headaches.  I’m not able to do simple reads; it’s like I have cotton in the way.

People still come to me and I hate turning them away, and I am really scared; I mean, I know this hasn’t been easy to live with my whole life, but now that it’s interfered with again like it was in April I’m wondering if there is a glitch in my system.

I enjoy working with people so much, and hate not being able to have my senses.

The worst part I think is the veil between me and the people who have passed over is hard for me to hold up, and I get bombarded at night with quick messages or snippets of conversations.  That hasn’t happened in a very long time.

I’m hoping the headache solutions will help resolve it.

10-8-11 Headache Update

Okay.  Followed the doctor’s list of things to do.  Got Magnesium, Vit D, Protein Powder, scheduled an MRI, and will schedule my vertigo PT.

Took the protein powder last night, vanilla.  Not too bad.  I used to take it after my bypass but it’s been a long time since I’ve used it.

She also told me to start crushing all the pills I take that are crushable since I have inhibited stomach acid and take an acid inhibitor as well, so I’m not really getting the full benefit of my meds.

This morning I took all my meds crushed in some vanilla yogurt (still tasted yucky) but about half an hour later felt vastly different.  Took my protein drink then.

I only eat about twice a day, but I do snack a bit.  I had lunch (a nut and olive sandwich- don’t judge) and then made meatloaf for dinner.  Had about 4 ounces of that for dinner, and neveer really felt like snacking today.  Had extra energy to do dishes and clean out the fridge.

my headache didn’t start until about 10 p.m., not a migraine just a front temples headache.  I’m hoping after going to bed soon it will go away.

Well, so far so good!  Muscle mass building needs to pick up, so working that in this week.

end of the day

No let up of the headaches across my temples and across my forehead.  Aching at the base of my neck bumps where my migraines start, and I’m fighting the urge to take a Maxalt.

It’s fairly even now, not majority on the left like it was earlier.  I went out for a couple hours for lunch with a friend but after two hours I couldn’t take the noise/light and came home.  Eating didn’t make any difference.

My sense of smell is getting really intense in the past half hour, which usually means a migraine is around the corner.  Not sure what to do at this point.  Maybe I’ll ice the back of my head…?

Probably going to bed soon, hope tomorrow is better.  Called the doc but never heard back, bummer.

My massage therapist had no ideas about what to do.

 

10-4-11

Woke up with a feeling like a tight headband around my head, across my forehead.  the pain at my temples is bad, more at the left side as usual.

The aura lights on the left side are very bright as they have been for the past month; I have had them on both sides for years permanently which are called painless migraines, but it changed over the past month or two and the left side is worse.  I thought the severe eye watering I have was allergy or sinus related, but I found on a site that it can be related to cluster headaches.

Started using the Neti Pot to clear the sinuses to see if that helped the headaches in case it was allergy related; it did help my breathing, but not the headaches.

10am: the tightness has stretched from just my forehead to the back of my head as well.  This seems to be a daily pattern.  I also am off balance when I get up and for a few minutes.  Lightheadedness is a persistent problem as the headaches get worse.

Massages used to help, but lately they are not.  I had 5 full blown migraines last week.

more later.

New TV Show “Suburban Psychic”

Has anyone seen a new show called “The Suburban Psychic”? I saw a clip of it appropriately on an episode of “The Soup”, lol.
She was in a beauty salon, and started talking to the woman getting styled next to her and the stylist, asking if either of them knew of anyone killed in a car accident, a male, related as a brother-in-law. The poor girl in the chair sheepishly said “yes….” and the psychic proceeded to go into detail about the mans family, and then into detail about a pregnancy, talking about a ‘bun in the oven’, and then pulled back saying ‘oh, there was a miscarriage wasn’t there.’
The poor girl just trying to get a nice afternoon getting her hair colored and cut and chat with her stylist.
HOW RUDE!!!
First of all, how insensitive to corner someone out of nowhere to plug yourself on your own tv show even though you are getting information. I get information every day but keep it to myself unless someone asks, because IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS IF NO ONE ASKS!!!
I was really pissed off!
I know the British medium Lisa does it as well, but just on the street, and she is very well known and asks people straight out without telling them anything, and respects them if they say no, which they often do, and she is so sweet about it. Very different.
It was just appalling.
I’ve learned over the years if someone needs to know something they will find me. I don’t advertise except having my web page because I feel my gift is not what I do for a living, my other pursuits are what I have a passion for.
The psychic work can be very stressful and take so much out of me, and it’s such a private personal experience; it’s not something I can handle doing every day.
I was just so upset by that show this morning I had to post it.
Have a wonderful and productive day!
Vanessa

Where have I been? Updated 8/4/11

8/4/11

Wow.  Who knew things could get so crazy.  I know I’m terrible about keeping up with things, but I want to get better.  After a year and a half of having to pay $6oo a month for health insurance to the county I finally got accepted into Medicare part B and it is active now, so I got to switch over and save almost $500 a month.

This will be great for 2 months, but my rent is based on my income, so for anyone ever learning about disability, if you are ever on any kinds of benefits, if you ever get a plus at all in a column, all the services you are involved in will clamor all over themselves to get first in line to be the first to take it from you.

So, in October my rent will jump from $265 to probably $495, and I will have to pay co-pays on doctor appontments and  of courase dont forget the all important prescriptions that will jump into orbit since the medicare program will do anything to fight coverage about anything.

I have had an ulcer since december (I had a gastric bypass 5 years ago) and was on a course of Prilosec through my doctor.  They gave me two months of it and it worked great, after a month off I had problems again, so I got put back on it.  The insurance company has been fighting it for a month since I don’t fit into one of their 4 ‘ categories” and so I live with the ulcer since I cannot afford the meds on my own.  On the upside I lost 25 pounds!

On the downside I may have to go under stomach procedures or surgery because I can’t heal this ulcer because I can’t get this medicine.

Being disabled is a FULL TIME JOB, and if you have half a brain it is the most frustraing non-sensical mess you will ever face.  since you can’t pay your old bills from your previous life you get sued alot and harassed by credit card companies, and no one wants to hear what you have to say.  They don’t want to hear that you aren’t allowed to have ‘ANYTHING’.  Nothing.  No returement, no stocks, no nothing, no matter how hard you worked.

BUT–  If you did work hard like I did for 30 years, you get penalized.   You see, if you did very little all your life and you become disabled, you are set for life.

If you worked hard and make a great living, your disability is higher, so you have to PAY BACK  through ‘penalties ‘ and ‘taxes’ to give it back so it evens you out with the people who are at the lower income from you.  That makes everyone ‘the same’ so everyone is even.

I told my kids not to bother breaking their backs to work thi working hard for their life, because at the end it is all taken away from you if you aren’t in the top 5%.  I was doing amazng until I was in my 40′s, and now that I am 50 I am in a cracker box apartment unable to buy catfood at the end of the month, and worrying what will happen if something ever happens to my car, air conditioner, cat, self…  Because we are not ALLOWED to have any savings!!!!!!!!!

Welcome to the land of the free.

I had to sell all my jewelry two months ago to make my bissls, and have tried to make several businesses work but between the stress and my physical issues I just don’t have any idea how to make them all work and keep up with it all.

This past month it has been a constant parade from the bed to the couch to the bed to the couch and often I just skip the bed part.

I’m trying to find my joy, my self, my passion, all my friends are having wonderful lives around me and I feel like I am stuck in a weird film where I am standing still ( or laying on a couch ) and being still while life is zooming on around all over me.

My kids are all in AZ, I rarely talk to them since I know I can never see them and it hurts so much to know that I am such a loser that I can’t even take a vacation to go see them; I’ve lost touch with so many people just because they have moved along and I have just stopped responding since I never feel like doing anything.

My whole life is the 400 square feet and the 12 stems it takes to get from the bed to the bathroom to the kitchen once in a while (more for the cat than me) and the couch.

Most days I have no idea what day it is any more.

I wonder what happened to the person that had so many huge ideas, plans, love, energy, life, people…  I’m just a ghost of that person now.  I go for days without even bothering to check the mail since I know there’s nothing there but junk or bad news.

I am leaving the apartment to go downstairs in a few minutes, since a food pantry truck brings our building free bread twice a month and if I don’t get down there soon people will snatch it all up before anyone else gets it.

I feel like I am a step above homeless at this point.

That’s my update.

10/2009

Life is a cruel mistress.  It also takes you on rides you forget to buckle up for.  It’s always in how you look at it, the classic glass half empty/half full debate;  I’ve often seen it as it doesn’t matter, I still have to clean the glass.

Last October my husband started cheating on me.  He denied it, trying to do the ‘looking into my eyes’ Jedi mind trick, etc, but I think he forgot who he was married to…  When you are married to a psychic, it’s hard to hide!  And…  just to clarify (and you women all give me a yes girl) when you cheat emotionally, it’s the same thing.

After 3 years of not working, and helping put him through school, I expected him to be getting an education, not a new girlfriend…  but big man on campus got a big head and thought he was really back in college for the first time… again.

I went to Phoenix in March when my daughter had her second baby (a boy!) and decided to try to recover and do some healing with my friends, and stayed with some wonderful friends  that took care of me.  Meanwhile he was home driving 3 hours each way to go salsa dancing (woohoo!!) on school nights, and was a bit annoyed one morning when I called him and he had gotten home at 6am cause they got lost coming home…  Oh yea, he told me all about it!  Cause if you tell your wife about it, then it doesn’t count… right??

Going to school part-time and still not working, we were not making the house payment and in trouble.  He was working a part-time job dish washing at a place his friend managed, and then stayed late into the night there drinking… and not coming home til the next morning!!  He ‘stayed with a friend’ cause he didn’t want to drive after drinking…  How about come home and get some sleep for school…?   And a ‘friend’?  lol….  Then he was drinking every night at home, and still not making enough to make the house payment, and was tired of me complaining about it…  I’m so evil.

Being disabled and stress makes it worse, I was up 20 hours a day and all night trying to find ways to get things paid, and I finally gave up.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  I stopped paying the house payment, since that wasn’t working and they wouldn’t take a partial payment.  No stress now! lol!

I remember one night he was going upstairs, black russian in hand, and he said “If it wasn’t for this house, we’d be living in separate apartments.”  ?

I thought about that for a bit.  He doesn’t do anything to help.  He isn’t contributing enough to save the house, so what is he really saying?  He already has a new girlfriend, so what does he care?

We argued one night about J; he said he was at her house ‘baking cookies” while I was gone.  He said he finally saw what a ‘real house’ should look like.  (I’m an artist, and things are eclectic here.   He also said he liked her ’cause he didn’t have to take care of her’…  OF COURSE NOT YOU IDIOT… HER BOYFRIEND DOES!!!

So, I told him he could leave, I gave him separation documents and said go ahead and go, he wasn’t doing me any good here, he might as well go.

TWO weeks later he still was hanging around!  I had had it.  I went to the place he plays games with his friends (second home) and said he had 5 days to get out.  He told me I had great timing, finals were that week…  lol!!  He was playing!!!  But he did it, and I made him take everything so he wasn’t coming back and forth for things like he did when we were separated once before (when he begged to come back because he couldn’t live without me).

I was sad, upset, and I was under the impression that he would get it together, and we would still have a chance to work it out, he would get his education and we would move to Oregon like we had planned for the past 5 years.

One day he came over to tell me he was seeing someone.  This was someone new, and I just said ‘okay.’  Whatever.  He had been sending mixed signals,  and still was after that, so I was  confused, but he asked how the divorce would be handled, if I was going to do it like my last one (internet paperwork and just sign and file)

I said no, I don’t want a divorce, so I’m not doing it.  He was a bit perplexed at that.  He said ‘well, it takes two, you know…’

No, I don’t know.  It takes one to file, and the other one to agree…  I have no intention of letting him just walk off into the sunset without a fight after supporting him for all this time and going through that for a year (women, please let me know what you think.)

Not a very psychic entry, but we are real people too.

Now I am left with a house that is worth less than the mortgage, all the stuff in it, heading into winter, no idea where to go, on disability, no family or friends really, and just heading out of a 5 month depression.  My house is a mess of boxes and stuff everywhere trying to figure out where 12 years of stuff is going to go into a 2 bedroom apartment (hopefully), what to get rid of.  An artist has a hard time parting with most everything, but I had a blow out garage sale this weekend, unfortunately it was in the 20′s yesterday!!!  After hiring people to help me work it and get ready, I made nothing really, but got rid of lots of stuff.

Now on to phase two…  whatever that is!! lol!

Starting to feel like I will be human again some day, but this has really taken the wind out of my sails.  I don’t know if I will ever trust anyone again, and the thought of being the crazy cat lady for the rest of my life is unappealing.

Happy Autumn, Hope you all are doing well and looking forward to the holidays!

Vanessa  Owl-Lady

Working with the Psychic Life…

My daughter is out of town right now, and I am missing her somthing awful.  She’s 2000 miles away, and been gone for two weeks.  She has been living with me (along with her boyfriend and crazy cat) and it’s been nice having them here.

I was sitting here at 1 a.m. trying to figure out what to do, I can’t get tired since I get antsy at night, and all of a sudden I smelled her, as if she just came into the room and hugged me it was so close.  She has a wonderful smell like patchouli and baby powder; she wears a special oil blend that I use in my lotions and perfumes, and her body never stopped producing that wonderful baby smell when she was growing up…  It’s really cool, you know that smell, that one that makes women say “awww… I want another one!!!”  It usually stops when they turn about 3…  but hers never stopped.  It’s located right in front of her ears; I explained it to her boyfriend one day, and we stood in the kitchen sniffing her… it was hilarious, because she just stood there while we did that for a minute and then just said ‘hey!’ when she realized how freaky the whole scene was.  But we found it, and he thought it was cute, and she blushed, so it was great.

Anyway. I smelled her, so I text messaged her and just said ‘I smell u.”   She would know what I meant.  Then she replied “I just opened my bag and smelled your perfume!”  (I had given her a small bottle of perfume that I wear).  So we smelled each other at the same time. 

We are very linked like that, even with pain, cravings, all sorts of things.  Sometimes she will come to me and say “I want pizza– is that me or you?”  lol… 

We have shared dreams too, which can be extremely interesting. 

I have this kind of with my husband, and my middle daughter, and my sister.  But nothing as strong as my youngest.  It’s quite an experience.

Fibromyalgia and the art of cats.

There are so many people who have animals that feel healing effects from them, and it seems the animals have a certain link to the person.  I personally am a cat person, and I know my cats seems to know when I’m hurting and will curl up in those spots and provide heat; it’s hard to explain unless you’ve experienced it. 

On the flip side, those of us with severe fibromyalgia know that animals also come with needs.  Dogs need walking, and cats have litter boxes.  That adds a problem for those of us who are unable to do some of those tasks.  My fibro comes with a handy dandy scent issue.  I HATE cleaning the litter box.  However, that smell is something I cannot handle.

So, we had the box in the basement and my husband would clean up litter box.  Problem solved.  Until my daughter moved in.  Into the basement.  The litter box that moved to the upstairs bathroom; at that point my husband decided that the cat was no longer his duty, (how that was decided I still don’t understand), and I ended up with litter duty.

Mama was very unhappy.  I went through many boxes of baking soda, different litter, spray deodorant…  It got to the point no one would go in the bathroom because of all the smells!

Then I found Tidy Cat.  It has tiny crystals and it’s for multiple cats even though I only have one.  It’s been a miracle!  I can go 2 to 3 days without cleaning the box, and when I do it so quick and easy and there’s nothing broken apart or left behind to stink.

So if you are a cat person, and you do have this problem, this may be your solution.

Can you say BRRRRRRRRRRR??

How in the world can global warming be alive and well?  It is -15.  NOT windchill, the actual temperature!!  How in the world??

This sucks!

I don’t understand how the weather could get so cold just 12 HRS after my daughter leaves for phoenix!  Doesn’t that seem fishy?  And while we are left to work and fend for ourselves, and her poor boyfriend passed to deliver sandwiches 6 hours a day, she is playing in 70° weather.  And on top of that, she hasn’t even called me!  But enough of that, I’m just cranky.

My Stocking. An unusual treat…

I think I mentioned it before, but I don’t expect much from the holidays since my husband is a scrooge in the ‘it’s just another day’ sense, and I usually celebrate Yule lightly for my kids.

Since my daughter is living with me (temporarily!!) we got into the spirit, and I have loved having her here, doing the cookie thing, hanging lights, sending packages to people with the stuff we made.  My husband has repeatedly reminded me he wasn’t getting excited about the holiday.  I explained to him that when I was pregnant with my daughter (she is my youngest) I made a special wish for her; I wanted to enjoy it every day with every memory knowing that it was my last child so I would never get that ‘pang’ for another baby.  I have always had “wishcraft” as part of my psychic makeup, so I went ahead and made a wish plan for her.  My other two daughters had blue eyes and fair skin like their very german/dutch dad, so I wished for her to be dark eyed and olive skinned like my Syrian heritage.  I wished for her to be my little peanut, my baby I could savor for a long time so I would never get the ‘need’ for another one.

She was born 6 weeks early due to decreased amniotic fluid, and they were concerned about intra-uterine growth retardation and dwarfism since she was so tiny compared to where she should be on the growth chart.  They had to take her early, and were concerned about her lungs not being developed but didn’t have a choice because of the fluid issue.

When she was born (I stay awake and watch my cesarean sections) she was tiny, and the doctor said she was very tiny but perfect, no problems breathing at all, just super small and had the biggest brown eyes!!  She was just under 5 pounds.  When I picked her up my thumbs overlapped!  I was so afraid of her! 

It was before premie diapers, so we had to cut diapers down for a while.  She was so gorgeous, her hands always looked just like miniature adult hands– never like ‘baby hands’.  I enjoyed every day of her growing up as well as her sisters, and it was amazing to be able to purposefully store the memories of them and have the ability to do that.

She never crawled– she did this hand and foot thing where she got around before walking, but never crawled.  When she found something interesting she would stop, put her head on the floor and play with it, so she was a tripod playing with the item upside down!  It was hilarious and I did get a picture of it.

Back to my stocking.  I share lots of stories with Ash, from my childhood.  Lots of them are horrendous, and this holiday I have done my best to tell her about all the best memories I have regarding the holidays.  That was the best part of the year.  My mother was really outgoing,  and went all out for Christmas/New Year’s.

In the mid to late 60′s it was a crazy time, I was 7-9 years old, and we went to LOTS of parties.  One of my favorite parties was going to Milwaukee to spend time with my grandmother and uncle, and we would go to my uncle Gary’s party.  He was a friend of my uncle.  He had amazing parties!  One year someone gave me a gift bag and there were mother of pearl sticky earrings in there, the kind that look like you have pierced ears.  I thought they looked so cool!  He worked for Burlington Northern railroad, and there was pads and pens in there too, and I loved anything having to do with writing and drawing, so that kept me busy for hours.

One of the snacks he had at the party were something very unusual– peanut fish.  If you have never heard of this, peanut fish are the itty bitty tip of the inside of the peanut when you break it open, it is stuck to one side of the peanut and would be where the plant would grow if it were planted.  It pops out when you separate a peanut.

He would have JARS of these!  Can you imagine??  The taste was amazing!  So different than peanuts themselves. 

I told Ash about this, along with dozens of other stories.

When I got my stocking, she had taken the peanuts we were using for cookies and gone through them removing the ‘fish’, and put together a bag of them for my stocking.

Can you believe it??

What a kid.

And she still smells like baby powder we discovered the other day (which she always has) and her boyfriend and I were smelling her all over discovering where it was coming from, and it comes from right in front of her ears.  Isn’t that cool??

What a kid.  (she’s 24, but always my kid.)