I tricked myself into trying on pants I was afraid to try on…lol

This morning I was in a hurry to get dressed, and my house keeper has been putting my clothes away since I moved back into my own room (long story).  I reached into my armoire and grabbed my white pants and blue shirt that are one of the outfits that I generally wear, and after I put the pants on they felt weird and there was a tag on them.  They were the pants I bought on Ebay!!  The xl’s I have been putting off trying on since they are technically a 16 and I have anxiety about even trying them on.

They are roomy!  I’m stunned…  I still see the old me, and even after losing 175 lbs I am trying hard to see what other people see.

I got my hair cut really short to highlight my new face, and now people say I look like my sister (size 6) who I haven’t talked to in almost a year, another long story. 

The talk of plastic surgery comes up periodically, but I really don’t have that much extra floating round.  I have about 45 pounds to go to my goal, and I just don’t know if it would be worth the additional pain I already have.  It’s just become nice enough to get out and walk so I think I will try the exercise route for a while.

A friend of mine’s mother gave me about 4 bags of clothes, and I expected a few things to be items I would want, but it was all amazing things~!  About a dozen pairs of different color jeans, shirts and sweaters, all really nice and 16s.  Now I’m excited to try them on!

New Ad Coming Out May 1st

My first print ad for psychic work is coming out on May 1st.  I hope it generates enough interest for me to stay in the house and be comfortable here.  I have never been on my own before in 46 years, and I would like to see what it’s like!

I get one…. but two…?

 

My daughter and I are always on the lookout for ‘found objects’.  We are also rarely without our cameras.  When I spotted this I didn’t have my camera, but was hoping she had hers…  She did and it was just about to storm, so she quickly got this shot.

I’m looking for some quirky funny captions for this photo!

4-22-08

I was contacted today by a previous client who happened to check in with my site and was concerned because I hadn’t updated my blog in so long, and the last one was so depressing.

What a difference 7 months can make!

I had a little bit of a “rest” for a week at the end of Sept. A forced vacation. I had just mentally broken! What was interesting was while I was in the hospital a chaplain came to talk to me (I’m not particularly religeous, but I figured I would talk to anyone I could) and she hit on a key point in my life.

I was grieving. I had lost my old self, my relationship with one of my daughters, my marriage was changing, my home was in peril… It was just too much to take.The grief was a running theme through all of them.

I came home and took charge of my life in some fashion; I still have many health issues so it’s a challenge, but I did one thing at a time and was able to get stronger and stronger.

Just before Thanksgiving my daughter suddenly contacted me and rekindled our relationship, and that was one of the most healing things ever.

The friday before Christmas my husband got laid off, and that was a huge blow. The bigger blow was that he was actually okay with it, and very happy doing nothing. For good. He decided he just didn’t require that much out of life, and didn’t see the need… hm…


I give a lot of leeway in a relationship, but that is an area that I have an issue with, you have to have a goal in life! Or something… I asked him to move out and advertised for a roommate. He was confused, he said he was content. Of course he was! I was bringing in most of the money and worrying about the bills! Sheesh…. So, I ended up getting a roommate. Oh, if only my psychic ability worked for me….


March was the month from hell. This woman was psychotic! She stank, refused to bathe, constantly was interrupting me, asking me to do things and then changing her mind…. I was like a puppet and felt like I was back living with my crazy alcoholic mother. Halfway through the month I was guided to an amazing video through Netflix online on Boundaries; it changed my life. It taught me how to stand up for myself and protect myself. It was amazing.

She had not paid the second half of the rent, and then at the end of the month informed me that she wouldn’t be paying it, she just couldn’t. I had visions of the movie Pacific Heights with Michael Keaton. I did everything legal and went toe to toe with her, and had her out in 5 days!

I still am out the money, I have three checks from her that she says will be good next month, but we will see. I have wanted to move back into my room (she had the larger room for more rent). It has taken all this time to get the stench out, my cleaning lady has tried everything… and she is a miracle worker. We have tried enzymes on the carpet in the room that is carpeted (there are two rooms) and I cannot get the stench of cat out. It’s not heavy, it’s just on and off after we have done carpet cleaning, enzyme treatments, washing the walls, incense…. I don’t know what else to try!!! Email me if you have suggestions.

So, things are going better. Glitter is moving, I’m advertising at the beginning of the month to do readings, and my husband and I are working on things slowly. He is finally getting it….

Now I just need a way for some good income so I don’t have to go through the crazy house thing again!

Energy you put into your business is really what makes it tick.

Recently a representative from the county for me that handles adult disabilities put me in touch with a group that could help me with some funding for my glitter business.  They were able to pay for an ad in Rubber Stamp Madness Magazine (December release between the 13-the 18th) page 17; and they paid for some extra inventory.  It’s only a loan, but it’s zero percent and I don’t have to start paying it back  until April of 2008.  This all came about so fast, and it created a bunch of energy into my website; also a friend of my daughter’s came over to spend her birthday with her, and it tured out to be a person I had group with earlier this year and missed terribly when she just disappeared!  It was an amazing suprise, and she offered to come over on Sundays through Tues to help fill orders and organize things.  It has been INVALUABLE to me.  I cannot get her to understand how important her help has been to me, and I offered to pay her, but she just wants to be paid by being able to play and be able to use my craft items for gift giving for the holidays.  I can live with that!  She does a tremendous job, and I’m able to pump so much energy into the things that have been waiting to get done on the web.  Since these two things have happened, my business has multiplied by 4 TIMES at least!  I now have design firms, businesses, artists and more all over the US.  They are thrilled with my personal attention, and the fact that I can get their orders to them overnight if needed.  I’ve also added a gallery, and am adding a stencils area for people to be able to download pictures to make their own designs.  Go take a look!  www.glassglitterandbeads.com .

I’ve been off.

I’ve been a little off lately.  I seem to hve lost my link, and I feel as if I have lost a body part.  I had an appointment for tomorrow and hand to cancel it because I just don’t know if I could do it.  I had a massage today and during the massage I had the most amazing craving for my favorite TV dinner, an ethnic Chicken Masala dinner that is so amazing (and expensive) that our co-op carries.  I stopped at the co-op for a few other things, and dropped by the area to check and see if they had them in stock, figuring I would treat myself to them anyway.  They were on sale, almost half off!  I cleaned them out.  We had them for dinner, and I’m considering having another one… lol.  To celebrate my radar coming back to life.  I had an experience yesterday where my daughter emailed me after a period of not speaking for quite a while, and I was so elated I cried all night and still haven’t figured out how to handle it so I can get my crap together enough to grovel to her for forgiveness, and so thankful that she wrote me AND included halloween pictures of my granddaughter in costume that she made (she is an amazing mother).  I’m overwhelmed, and it may have broken my block.  Let’s hope..

Spreading the Word

Today, the one day of the year I get up WAYYYY to early.  I do a lecture series at the local high school on what it’s like to be psychic. 

This sounds like a really organized thing, but it came about in an unorthodox manner.  My daughter was in the psychology class at the high school, and one week they had a unit on ESP and things like that.  She told the teacher that he should have me in for “show and tell”, being that I was a real working psychic.  He thought that was a cool idea, and asked me to come in to talk to the class.  I figured I would talk for about 20 minutes and that would be that.  I got there, and he introduced me and turned the class over to me for the whole hour!!  I had no idea what to do, I panicked for a bit, and then started talking.   For the whole hour I searched abour things to talk about; things that had been natural to me my whole life, without any form of order.  It was horrible.  I finally just opened it up to questions to take the pressure off of me.  I had to go through this 4 times that day!

Then, that night was even worse, I was waiting for parents to come down the street with pitchforks and torches (picture your favorite Frankenstein movie scene here.)  It was a loooooong night.  I think I even ended up sleeping on the couch!  But nothing- not even a phone call asking ‘what are you telling my baby?’.  So, everything worked out afterall.

Eight years later I have organized myself and have a pretty well thought out talk that takes up half the time; all about my past, what work I do, some of my experiences (including a ghostbusting with the teacher’s daughter), and then I have students ask questions.  That usually fills the hour.

First hour is the worst since the kids are only half awake (as am I) so it’s a pretty slow go.  By the end of the day there are kids bringing friends in from other classes and student teachers coming in, and the class is pretty full, which is nice.

TODAY—  After the two morning classes back and forth I had some lunch and was watching a movie, set the timer on my phone.  The next thing I know my husband was talking to me, and apparently I was talking to him but I don’t remember what I was saying; I just remember looking past him and seeing the clock say 3:18….  I was supposed to be at the school for the last lecture of the day at 2:30!!  I was so upset- I never missed a class before.  Turns out I had my phone on vibrate so if it rang it wouldn’t disrupt the class; seems that doesn’t work with an alarm!!!

Can things get worse…?

I have no idea what is going on these days.

The planets are misaligned or something; my life is quickly approaching the worst point it’s ever been at. All I can do at this point is immerse myself in the websites for now just to keep my mind off of everything else. I can’t sleep at night, things are so full in my brain I’m afraid stuff is going to start leaking out of my ears.

Today the Elemental Runes page has been updated; I suppose many people go there thinking it’s a gaming site, that’s why it gets so many hits, but oh well. It also had the old owl-lady email address on it, so I was not receiving any emails if anyone did try to contact me.

Now I’m working on the stone meaning site, and hopefully getting some ordering up on that page.

Then projects and ideas updated on the glass glitter site.

If there is any soul who actually reads this and wants something updated or written email me.

If anyone had a job such as having their websites updated periodically, or data entry done, or graphic design done, email me too.

We are about to lose our house (again), and it SUCKS. I hate my life right now.

I hate being disabled and not being able to go out and get a real job. I hate that there is so much that I have to offer and I could do so much from my home but I have no idea where to start looking without all the bullshit schemes, and I just don’t have the time or energy for that.

I’m also family-less, so if there is a rich person (or just comfortable) who is looking to adopt a fairly humorous extremely talented 46 year old girl I’m here for you.

I have no life since I have problems getting out of the house, so if you are one of the brilliant broken housebound forgotten by society feel free to call me, we can talk. 608-397-7495. I have to do something or I will go crazy here.

Last night I had a horrendous pain in my leg, the leg that usually doesn’t hurt; I thought it could be a blood clot, and I was hoping it was; I laid down and tried to shake it loose so it could knock loose and get to my brain so things could just be over with.

If you’ve ever seen the movie “the Snake Pit”, I’m down there screaming with her, but she gets out and they keep getting the paperwork wrong to be able to get me out. (yes I’ve taken my meds today.)

I’m thinking of having a half price sale and just getting rid of all the glitter and beads, and closing that business; I have had 4 orders in the past month, and I cannot believe that I have such a great product, a fabulous website and sales are not better. Something is wrong with that. It’s as if there is a team just developed to do whatever they can to create failure for whatever I put my energy into;

I know that sounds paranoid, but just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.

I haven’t taken a picture in months, which is so rare, but you can only take so many pictures of your feet… I’ve plateaued now at just over 200, of course, I can’t seem to break 200, but I have lost over 150 pounds in just under a year. That does feel good, wearing bluejeans with a zipper instead of strechy pants.

Now I’m just blabbering. I’m so tired, I just passed out from exhaustion (emotional and mental) last night, and woke at 3am, so I’m a little punchy.

I just got a phone call from my massage therpist, and I was ready for them to say they had to cancel my appointment today. It would be just perfect for the way things are going this week; but they just want me to come early, so I must go.

Love, Light and Sparkles for now,

Vanessa

9-21-07

I have no idea what is going on these days.

The planets are misaligned or something; my life is quickly approaching the worst point it’s ever been at. All I can do at this point is immerse myself in the websites for now just to keep my mind off of everything else. I can’t sleep at night, things are so full in my brain I’m afraid stuff is going to start leaking out of my ears.

Today the Elemental Runes page has been updated; I suppose many people go there thinking it’s a gaming site, that’s why it gets so many hits, but oh well. It also had the old owl-lady email address on it, so I was not receiving any emails if anyone did try to contact me.

Now I’m working on the stone meaning site, and hopefully getting some ordering up on that page.

Then projects and ideas updated on the glass glitter site.

If there is any soul who actually reads this and wants something updated or written email me.

If anyone had a job such as having their websites updated periodically, or data entry done, or graphic design done, email me too.

We are about to lose our house (again), and it SUCKS. I hate my life right now.

I hate being disabled and not being able to go out and get a real job. I hate that there is so much that I have to offer and I could do so much from my home but I have no idea where to start looking without all the bullshit schemes, and I just don’t have the time or energy for that.

I’m also family-less, so if there is a rich person (or just comfortable) who is looking to adopt a fairly humorous extremely talented 46 year old girl I’m here for you.

I have no life since I have problems getting out of the house, so if you are one of the brilliant broken housebound forgotten by society feel free to call me, we can talk. 608-397-7495. I have to do something or I will go crazy here.

Last night I had a horrendous pain in my leg, the leg that usually doesn’t hurt; I thought it could be a blood clot, and I was hoping it was; I laid down and tried to shake it loose so it could knock loose and get to my brain so things could just be over with.

If you’ve ever seen the movie “the Snake Pit”, I’m down there screaming with her, but she gets out and they keep getting the paperwork wrong to be able to get me out. (yes I’ve taken my meds today.)

I’m thinking of having a half price sale and just getting rid of all the glitter and beads, and closing that business; I have had 4 orders in the past month, and I cannot believe that I have such a great product, a fabulous website and sales are not better. Something is wrong with that. It’s as if there is a team just developed to do whatever they can to create failure for whatever I put my energy into;

I know that sounds paranoid, but just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.

I haven’t taken a picture in months, which is so rare, but you can only take so many pictures of your feet… I’ve plateaued now at just over 200, of course, I can’t seem to break 200, but I have lost over 150 pounds in just under a year. That does feel good, wearing bluejeans with a zipper instead of strechy pants.

Now I’m just blabbering. I’m so tired, I just passed out from exhaustion (emotional and mental) last night, and woke at 3am, so I’m a little punchy.

I just got a phone call from my massage therpist, and I was ready for them to say they had to cancel my appointment today. It would be just perfect for the way things are going this week; but they just want me to come early, so I must go.

Getting off to a shaky start.

Welcome to September, all those who have tried to get to the blog since it was set up (I thought) since August.  That’s what happens when you have too many irons in the fire.  I haven’t checked it in a while, obviously not posting, and the entire folder was deleted from my server.  They upgraded many things (with some really cool stuff) but it also messed up my email account on Jewelryjam.com, so as always, more excitement in a bright new shiny package.

The brochure for my Psychic work is finally done, much to the delight of my husband who watched me in angst every night struggling with 5 random notebooks (not computers, actual bound notebooks) trying to combine all my thoughts that would fill 30 pages and get them into a single brochure.  He was overjoyed until I said “Now I just have to add all the extended information on the website”.  His joy was cut nearly as short as mine…  but we did smile briefly.  And I did order some kick-a$$ business cards with foil on them and appointment info on the back, cause I thought I was worth it ;).

Getting this blog started is challenging since I have so much going on in my head, so I guess it’s a good way to clear my head.  I have been so leery of pissing people off lately (the past 6 months has been a nightmare with friends and family when I speak my mind and the truth) I have become a hermit, and now am questioning every thought these days.  Should I take a shower? Should I wait until tomorrow?  What if I take one and the phone rings?  Why am I obsessing?  (Of course my phone just rang, lol).  Non stop.  My husband leaves home alot, used to be just the 3 or 4 days a month, now he is only home that often.

I also struggled over what to write on the blog.  What if a client reads this, will they not want to come to me for a reading because they think I am not together enough to help them?  Well, most of the mental health industry has their share of problems.  I have the edge of being psychic, so at least I have my own entertainment factor…  Things happen that are very unique to me that keep me on my toes, and I think if I didn’t have that in my life right now I would be in sad shape.  I wish I had more clients so I could have more to take my mind off my own crap and be able to help other people; sometimes I am up all night long unable to sleep (chronic pain and things) and I just sit here with my head and bad TV, delving deeper into places I know I shouldn’t be hanging out, but not know what else to do.

Today I was thinking about that, like I said, whether or not I felt like I thought my clients should know that side of me, and I thought; sure.  I would want to know if my doctor was having a hard time.  In fact I do have a doctor that is going through a rough patch, and I admire her input more since I recognize her as more ‘human’ than trying to be above me.  I still recognize our differences and appropriate roles, as well as confidentiality, but it feels good to know I’m not alone…

There are support groups for lots of things, but I have posted a few times to them and actually been slammed by people on them, probably so they could feel better about themselves or whatever their issues are, but it was surely not what I was looking for!