Archive for August, 2006


It’s even more quiet now.. The baby and momma have gone home, and my house has returned to just the two of us and the cat(s). I have a ghost cat. It’s the most
amazing thing; every night after I get in bed my cat comes in for her scratches, and then leaves for a bit– then comes back and curls up at my feet. Then I feel a soft “poof” on the bed which took me a while
to figure out; it feels like a very light pillow being dropped on the bed. Then I can feel it walking across the bed and coming toward me, then starting to pad on me like cats do. It will do this for a while, then
plop down against my back or my leg. My cat sometimes will get up to see what’s going on and hiss, and get very creeped out; sometimes she doesn’t even notice. I’d love to catch it on video somehow.

I printed out calendars to mark the countdown to the surgery. Once upon a time I worked at a very uptight place where the person who felt she was better than everyone else (and it worked on me for a while) saw my
calendar when I was crossing off days for the countdown to a vacation. She asked what it was for; when I told her, she looked at me strangely and said “how sad…” and walked away. It struck me very strongly– I felt like there was
something wrong with me for doing my calendar countdown that way. I really was in a funk about it, and lots of other things she said to me. Funny, today I can’t even remember her name. I also know that countdowns on a calendar are a positive
thing, looking forward to something wonderful coming into your life. She was a very uptight anal retentive controlling person who really feared my intelligence and ability; I know that now. It took a long time to convince myself of that.

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It’s quiet now. The baby is sleeping, and so is the mommy. Well, now she woke up– moments of quiet were treasured. My daughter and granddaughter have been visiting this month, and it has been a circus, bright, loud, exciting, scary at times, exhausting, exhilarating, and will be over way too fast, and as soon as they go and I stretch in my big quiet house
enjoying the lack of screeching and exitement, I’ll cry because I miss it…

We got inked today, my daughter/mother and I. We got a triqueta on the back of our necks, representing the maiden/mother/crone. It was perfect timing for me, since I am at a big change in my life. October 12 my gastric bypass surgery is coming up. It will be an obvious large change in all things in my life;
My daughter is getting married in March so it will be nice to feel better when we go there for that.

I have so many things with issues around this surgery; my problems with my weight and food obsessed sister and mother; my obsession with chairs not fitting me;
my energy level being so bad; my problem with clothing; fitting into booths at restaurants; I guess overall just feeling ‘normal’. I know it will take a long time to feel that way, and I have lots of work to go through; but I’m ready for the challenge and the time to work on me for a change.
Time to let the kid go to bed;

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