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Archive for the ‘Daily Experiences’ Category

I’m still sorting and packing everything.

Stones and crystals, glitter and sand. beads and books.

How on earth did all this stuff fit in this teeny apartment?

I’m selling the air conditioner since my new place has central air.  My upstairs neighbor came over this morning to ask about it.  At 7am on a Sunday morning.

He came in and decided to take it, but looked around in slow disbelief; asked if my apartment was the same layout as his.  I knew it was since there had been a few times I’d seen his briefly.  He just kept saying there was so much stuff; slowly, and kind of creepy.  After he left it made me feel like there was something wrong with me that I have all these things in my home and live like this.  A wall of organized boxes of craft supplies, jewelry making supplies and stones, overflow of glitter and beads…  Work table and small tile table that should be an eating table but right now is a catch all; and all morning it kept ringing in my ears.

“There’s so much stuff…”

Ended up just taking a nap cause I felt overwhelmed about where to start again since it felt like there was nowhere to start.  After waking up and shaking off the morning thing it’s getting better, and realizing what I already got rid of is gigantic; but damn… Really threw me for a loop.  I know I live a bohemian life style where it’s just me in an art studio, but to get someone’s reaction like that who has never been exposed to it made me feel like a Hoarders show candidate.

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I thought it was just me, but after talking to so many people lately letting go seems to be the theme since the recent ‘step up’ in December.

Admittedly being a hoarder of art and craft supplies (and two storage sheds) being an artist I always justified everything I hung on to.  Sure, paint, brushes, papers, adhesives, my hundreds of glitter and beads, even my life size flat mannequin rescued from the alley.  Then 4 years ago I had to downsize my 4 story victorian house to a 1 bedroom apartment and realized I had a problem.

I couldn’t part with the blank newspaper.  Or the old dishes. The plastic flowers; 4 black trash bags full… you’ve seen the hoarder shows where they have to dig through every bit of a trash bag??  That was me, head first in the plastic bag til I was lightheaded.  And I hate plastic flowers!!!

So these things went into storage.  Lots went to other people, but lots went to storage since I had no time to deal with it.  Then this past October things started to lighten up for me.  All of a sudden the give-away-fairy lived in my home.  Parting with items felt… nothing.  Felt nothing.  How could I part with these amazing items and feel nothing???

Tubs and tubs of papers and cutters, craft supplies went to the local High School Art Class; yes I faltered and did keep one tub that had Emu eggs and Mardi Gras items I needed to go through.  Scrapbooking items, punches, so many things…  Two SUV’s the teachers filled and I felt nothing.

Down to one storage shed.  I even found items unrecognizable to me, had no idea ever receiving.  A great jewelry display box.  (I did keep that).

The point is, sending boxes and boxes of jewelry items and sewing items to my kids and friends has been happening more since this December shift.  Things don’t seem to matter for the first time in 52 years.  The Universe has made some kind of amazing move lately that I am unfamiliar with.  Letting Go.

The flip side of this has been meeting new people.  Being a hermit the people around me are very few.  New people are rare.  The information I get is overwhelming and since December getting stronger imagery and smells has been something to work with; but I decided that with the letting go of THINGS alternatively letting people IN was a meaningful thing for the first time in my life that I have never done before.

So amny amazing things have happened in the past month after opening up to people.  They aren’t as afraid of me as they used to be; that was always hard to take.  Words come easier as I can separate the images from the words.

Having a sarcastic sense of humor I like to have fun with people and can go too far, but find that people on my wavelength click with me in that way.  The recent show I did introduced me to so many great people and the feeling was overwhelming… And then I had to wonder why this happened as I am getting ready to move across the state 🙂

Letting Go.  So hard.  Now so easy; the Universe has brought a new chapter into my life and so many others are feeling it too in their lives.  Letting go.  Meeting people and connecting.  The change is great, and the change is amazing for other people as well.

And, if anyone needs craft items let me know.

 

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Happy New Year!

Best wishes to everyone on a year full of hopes and dreams filled to the brim; since that is what life is, choices made, wishes cast to the universe to bring back to you 3 fold.

It’s also a time to look back and see what you make of the past year.  Time passed so you have time to remove the emotion of events and see them for what they really are.  Were those bad times really bad, or blessings in disguise?  Were those good times treasured enough to have for ages?  Everything is all in the way you take it.  Just like the Twilight Show that is so memorable of the people in heaven and hell; they are actually in the same room.  An old couple watching endless movies of their past, in heaven; the rowdy biker stuck in the same room trapped in his version of hell.

New Year’s Resolutions? No, hate them.  I tend to have random resolutions.  If you force yourself or someone else to do something it won’t happen just since you will resent it eventually.  Also if you have a resolution and want to make a change you can do it over and over until you make that change, while I do like the little green Jedi, the sentiment of “Do or not do, there is no try” doesn’t work for me.

Procrastination is my weakness.  Worst thing in my life for a long time.  So hard to just relax and take time without thinking of all the things that need to be done, then too tired of thinking to do them.  If there could just be some synchronization of the energy of thinking and the movement of doing…  Sounds so silly, and yet in the whole existence of the massive changes in life it’s the one constant.

Now other people look at my life and marvel at all the things that have been done, and are done, even with the limitations I have.  While still feeling it’s never enough.  I scoff at the people who say I should write a book since I think my life is boring; maybe it’s just life lived at a different speed.

Looking back at this year and the past 4 years it’s been one long blur; getting used to being in a new phase of my life, moving toward a new spiritual awakening that is happening and affecting so many people.  Moving from the material to the spiritual.  Once my piles of stuff made me feel safe, now they just make me feel choking.

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Yes, I’m back!

I’ve been out of commission for two months now with non stop headaches/migraines,   not sleeping, back pain, and a whiny menopausal cat.

After fighting for weeks with this cycle, testing sleep places and patterns, and sleeping with a water bottle to attack the whiny cat at 4am, the cycle has finally ended!

My pain doctor did steroid injections into my pain areas of my back, which alleviated the pain that was keeping me from breathing correctly for nearly 3 years.  Funny how breathing is SUCH a big thing.  I came home and immediately fell asleep for 5 hours straight.  Up a couple hours, then slept another 5!  Usually if I sleep more than 3 waking up is a certain migraine; wednesday morning, no migraine!

Now with a fresh brain, and being able to breathe, the thought occured to me that maybe the cat was up yelling half the night because she thought I should be up playing with her instead of sleeping since there are so many lights on.  I turned all the lights off that night, and…  NO SCREAMING CAT!

Can I take it?  Breathing, minimal pain, sleeping in bed instead of the couch AND the cat not yelling at me all night??  I have a new life.

I know it’s only been two days, but hope lives strong, and even though I am rocking a full moon headache tonight I don’t mind, since that is something that happens every month.

Crossing fingers that this lasts.

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The universe is so amazing, and even though I trust it so much, it still surprises me every time. Just now I was in the laundry room washing a bunch of craft fabric I’ve bought to make dolls that I don’t make since that’s what happens when I’m unhappy and lonely, I buy craft stuff I don’t need…
And my parking neighbor came in from shopping. She said she and her son were just talking about me; he noticed that my front tires were bad and he has two that he would sell me at a great price….
So the weirder part is just the other day I was asked to be a featured guest again this year at a show in the town 30 miles north of us. I of course said yes, and they have me come up and do radio spots before the event which is fun… Then I remembered that my dealer (yes I still take my car to the dealer even after 15 years) said I was in dire need of new front tires.
I decided not to worry about it until Feb 1st just because I don’t get paid until then, so why worry about it now, but at least I remembered… Then that happened! And, he said he would be coming back around the 1st or 2nd and could bring them then, and Walmart switches tires for $5…
Now how come I can’t get the universe to send me a great guy that easy???? Not that I’m not thankful for the tires, but I’m just sayin’…

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